After our appointment at MFM, we were just waiting on the results of the blood work. Our doctor had told us that right now, she was most concerned about the possibility of infection and what that might do to the baby, so I checked my phone a little more often to see if they had called with any news. They had told us the infection study would come back within a few days, and the genetic study would take a little longer because of the fact that it had to be sent to a lab in New Mexico. The genetic study would look for Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and Trisomy 13. Since none of those conditions were mentioned I wasn't as concerned about the genetic study as I was the infection study.
I called our nurse/point contact the next Monday afternoon to ask if 'weekend days counted as days' in how long it would take to get our results, as well as just to check and see if any results had come back. She said no weekends didn't count and there were no results yet.
On December 17th I was at school in planning. It was a weird day where we only had 2 classes instead of the normal 4 because it was the last week before Christmas break and we were testing and giving exams. I had been in planning all morning and it was almost time to go to the other class of the day when my phone rang. It was the genetic counselor.
"We've gotten the results of your infection test back." I held my breath. "Ok, great." "The results show that while you have had definite exposure to two infections at some point, none of them look like they have been present during the course of the pregnancy." I was so relieved I just cried and said, "That's great news" as the bell rang. I was so happy and thinking about getting to my class that I didn't think to ask any questions, I just thanked her and got off the phone.
Another teacher in the workroom with me who knew about what we had been dealing with with this pregnancy saw my tears and asked if I was ok. I nodded and said that everything was fine, there looked like there was no infection and that was a huge relief. She hugged me and asked if I was ok to go to class. I said yes, got myself together, sent out texts to Russell and our families to let them know the wonderful news, and got to class.
Ok, we got through this hurdle. This is great news. We now just have to deal with Dandy-Walker, which since Ally was classified as variant could also be relatively mild or even a non-issue. It gave me so much hope!
About a week later, we got a call with the results of the genetic test. As expected, we also showed a low probability of the serious genetic issues of Down Syndrome, Trisomy 18, and Trisomy 13. We were also negative for cystic fibrosis and the doctor had said the baby's spine looked great, so no spina bifida either. Praise the Lord!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Saturday, December 14, 2013
December 14th, 2013- The Gender Reveal
From our sonographer at MFM from our appointment, we had a sealed envelope with the gender of baby #3. We had decided to find out the gender this time, unlike with our first two pregnancies. Everything seemed so different about this pregnancy versus our other two (planned vs. unplanned, found out right away vs. found out halfway through, no issues vs. issues) why not find out this time? I think for me too, part of me wanted to know SOMETHING definite about this baby, with all of the unknowns we were faced with at this point. Plus, we needed something to celebrate!
I had heard about gender reveal cakes, where you give the envelope to the bakery, they color the inside of the cake either pink or blue, and everyone finds out together the gender of the baby. I did some research and found a local bakery that would do gender reveal cupcakes. I thought that would be fun and decided to do it.
With everything that had been going on lately, my parents decided to come visit the weekend of the 13th - 15th. Since Russell's parents live here we thought this would be the perfect time to have the gender reveal party with our immediate families.
I ordered the cupcakes and we took the envelope to them the day after the MFM appointment. We picked them up Saturday and drove over to Russell's parents home, since they were serving lunch there.
My Mom was beside herself. My parents have 4 grandsons, and I know that she would love the baby no matter what, but she really wanted a granddaughter (and this was probably her last chance!). It killed her to wait to find out the gender of our boys, so she was so excited to find out what this one was.
I was a little nervous. Part of me wanted another boy, because I know what to do with boys. I have 2 of them already, and we have all the toys, clothes, etc. However, part of me wanted a girl for my Mom's sake and also so I could have the experience of a daughter, however different that may turn out to be from 'normal'.
My Mom waited patiently through lunch and while we sat around for a few minutes until I said, "Well, should we have dessert?" We each got a cupcake. When we were all ready, we cut in. I sort of lagged behind, because I was watching Mom. She cut hers and started crying. I couldn't see inside the way it fell open from where I was sitting, so I wasn't sure if they were tears of joy... or not. I leaned over and saw the pink...we finally had a girl!
Everyone was excited and congratulating us. We were taking pictures with our phones and texting to other family that wasn't there. Luke was happy because he had wanted a sister (I guess because he already had a brother).
So Russell and I didn't need to argue needlessly over boy names again. We have had a girl name picked out all along. We were finally getting our Allyson Ruby!
I have always liked the name Allyson, and Ruby is my Dad's mother's name. She died in 1991, the day before I turned 9 years old. Russell always insisted on trying to have a family name (which all of our kids do) and I wanted their names to be connected (by more than just their last name) so they all 3 have R middle names.
Of course, afterward Mom and I went shopping, and she started buying clothes...and she has since posted on facebook the picture of the doll she bought at home (after years of nothing but Hot Wheels and Ninja Turtles). We also picked out lavender fabric for Mom to make a car seat cover...the one we have is pretty old and worn, and she needs something a little more girly anyway! Luke picked out a onesie at Target one day when shopping with Russell, which was sweet, and I went to Once Upon a Child and bought $66 worth of clothes (14 articles of clothing, some with 2 pieces) for nothing (between the $1 clearance, a $5 off coupon, and store credit- love it when I can do that!)
Sweet girl, if you are reading this later in life (and we hope you get to!), we love you so! May God bless you and use you in mighty ways- He has already used you in our lives for the better, and you're not even 'here' yet.
I had heard about gender reveal cakes, where you give the envelope to the bakery, they color the inside of the cake either pink or blue, and everyone finds out together the gender of the baby. I did some research and found a local bakery that would do gender reveal cupcakes. I thought that would be fun and decided to do it.
With everything that had been going on lately, my parents decided to come visit the weekend of the 13th - 15th. Since Russell's parents live here we thought this would be the perfect time to have the gender reveal party with our immediate families.
I ordered the cupcakes and we took the envelope to them the day after the MFM appointment. We picked them up Saturday and drove over to Russell's parents home, since they were serving lunch there.
My Mom was beside herself. My parents have 4 grandsons, and I know that she would love the baby no matter what, but she really wanted a granddaughter (and this was probably her last chance!). It killed her to wait to find out the gender of our boys, so she was so excited to find out what this one was.
I was a little nervous. Part of me wanted another boy, because I know what to do with boys. I have 2 of them already, and we have all the toys, clothes, etc. However, part of me wanted a girl for my Mom's sake and also so I could have the experience of a daughter, however different that may turn out to be from 'normal'.
My Mom waited patiently through lunch and while we sat around for a few minutes until I said, "Well, should we have dessert?" We each got a cupcake. When we were all ready, we cut in. I sort of lagged behind, because I was watching Mom. She cut hers and started crying. I couldn't see inside the way it fell open from where I was sitting, so I wasn't sure if they were tears of joy... or not. I leaned over and saw the pink...we finally had a girl!
Everyone was excited and congratulating us. We were taking pictures with our phones and texting to other family that wasn't there. Luke was happy because he had wanted a sister (I guess because he already had a brother).
So Russell and I didn't need to argue needlessly over boy names again. We have had a girl name picked out all along. We were finally getting our Allyson Ruby!
I have always liked the name Allyson, and Ruby is my Dad's mother's name. She died in 1991, the day before I turned 9 years old. Russell always insisted on trying to have a family name (which all of our kids do) and I wanted their names to be connected (by more than just their last name) so they all 3 have R middle names.
Of course, afterward Mom and I went shopping, and she started buying clothes...and she has since posted on facebook the picture of the doll she bought at home (after years of nothing but Hot Wheels and Ninja Turtles). We also picked out lavender fabric for Mom to make a car seat cover...the one we have is pretty old and worn, and she needs something a little more girly anyway! Luke picked out a onesie at Target one day when shopping with Russell, which was sweet, and I went to Once Upon a Child and bought $66 worth of clothes (14 articles of clothing, some with 2 pieces) for nothing (between the $1 clearance, a $5 off coupon, and store credit- love it when I can do that!)
Sweet girl, if you are reading this later in life (and we hope you get to!), we love you so! May God bless you and use you in mighty ways- He has already used you in our lives for the better, and you're not even 'here' yet.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
December 12th, 2013- The Diagnosis
The day finally came for my appointment at Maternal Fetal Medicine. I left school early that day to get to my appointment(s) on time. It was going to be a big day: not only did I have my appointment at MFM but I also had one at my regular OB's office to catch up on all the blood work I had missed from that first appointment you usually have at 8 weeks. Anyone who knows me knows how much I HATE needles of any kind, so this always gets me a little anxious. (The first time I was pregnant I was having morning sickness, so combine that with how much blood they took- always seems excessive to me- I threw up and got dizzy and it was awful.) That evening I was going to be teaching my first college level class, which also had me nervous. But I was most nervous about the second half of the MFM appointment: genetic counseling.
I remember when MFM called to make the appointment; they said 2:00 for the sonogram, then 3:00 for genetic counseling. I immediately texted Russell about it and asked him to call a friend who is a PA to find out more about this. Why did we need genetic counseling? Was this standard procedure? Maybe this was how they went over the results with all the patients they see. We would go in and they would say, "Oh, it was just a shadow on the sonogram. Everything's fine!" But what if it wasn't? What were we in for?
We got there and waited a few minutes past our appointment time. The sonogram tech came and got us and took us to the room. I did the usual routine: on the table, shirt up, towel tucked, gooped up. This sonogram took a LONG time. She was taking a ton of pictures of many parts of the baby I didn't know you could distinguish by sonogram: liver, stomach, kidneys. She actually left the room and came back to take more pictures 2 different times. Maybe this should have clued me in, but it didn't: I just thought she was being thorough and maybe the doctors were giving her a hard time about the views she needed, plus the baby was moving around quite a bit.
After we finally finished, we were taken to another waiting room. After a bit of waiting the genetic counselor came to get us and took us to her office.
This was the part I was so nervous about. Before she gave us any results, she wanted us to go through our family tree. She mapped it out as we described our boys, siblings, nephews, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and any genetic medical conditions that we knew of them having. I was bouncing my leg and practically shaking the whole time. This couldn't be good. She also asked me if I had had a recent illness or infection of if Russell or the boys had. Other than Ben having had the croup not that long ago, and the normal runny nose everyone seemed to have this time of year, there was nothing I could come up with.
Then it came out. The news. I was still shaking. Voluntarily and involuntarily.
First: there were bright spots showing up in the stomach and liver of the baby that are usually blood. Being in the stomach was not that unusual, but showing up in the liver was. The only real explanation they had was that they baby had an infection of some kind. If this was true, it would be irreversible (it would be viral, which means antibiotics don't work) and pretty devastating to the baby's development. Depending on what the infection was, it's severity, length of time, etc., it could do all kinds of damage. Because they didn't have any more information, there were really no specifics to give at this point.
Second: The cyst on the back of the head was not a cyst at all. It was a brain development issue known as Dandy-Walker. Basically, the brain usually develops as two halves in a somewhat oval shape. For Dandy-Walker babies, the two halves in the back of the brain (the cerebellum) develop leaving a gap, which fills with fluid. This is what they were seeing in the sonogram. Dandy-Walker is associated with a wide range of issues. Some people have the condition and you would never know it at all. Others have severe physical and mental/intellectual delays or deficiencies. And then there's everything in between. Again, they couldn't give us a lot of information about what to expect, because every child with Dandy-Walker is different.
As a result of Dandy-Walker, the gap in the skull often fills with fluid to the point that it puts too much pressure on the brain- a condition known as hydrocephalus. This is treatable by surgery that implants a shunt to drain the fluid into the chest cavity.
We spent a long time, I'm not really sure how long, in the office with the genetic counselor. She told us our options about finding out more information. I could take a blood test, which would not give yes or no results for sure on anything, (it's my blood with markers from the baby, not the baby's blood) but could give us a better idea about infection and genetic issues. I could also do an amniocentesis, which would give definite yes or no answers about infection and genetic issues since it uses cells from the baby itself. These were completely optional and completely up to us.
When she left to get us information to read later about Dandy-Walker and amniocentesis, I just cried. I couldn't believe this. First a surprise pregnancy with horrible timing, and now the baby would have special needs as well? It just couldn't be possible. I told Russell, "I'm not cut out for this." He responded, "We have to be." I thought about what the gentleman had said at the Thanksgiving dinner to us about being parents. I can't even begin to describe what I was feeling, other than horrible and numb and disbelieving. This had always been my biggest fear- that I would have a child either born with issues or would develop them, whether from an accident or illness- and it was happening. It was real.
The counselor took us back to the waiting room so we could go in to meet the doctor. We waited for a while again, long enough to call Mom and cry and tell her what we had found out. I told her we would call later after visiting the doctor with more information and updates.
I was actually kind of annoyed. We waited a while to see the doctor, it was getting late, I needed to get to my class, and what more was she going to tell us anyway? More bad news? More devastating information on what we had just found out?
I am SO glad we got to see her. I was immediately really comfortable with her. She was very knowledgable, informative- and positive. She showed us pictures of OUR baby and described what was on OUR pictures- and what she had to say wasn't as bad as we had felt from the genetic counselor.
First, the infection. There MAY be an infection, but there may not be. She didn't lead us to believe that it wasn't a very real possibility, but she also lead us to believe that it was just as likely that there wasn't an infection, that these liver spots "are normal for this kid!" When I told her I felt fairly regular movements and could this tell us anything, she said, "Sick babies don't move a lot."
Second, the Dandy-Walker. She explained that there are two 'levels' of Dandy-Walker- syndrome and variant, with syndrome being more severe. She was classifying our baby as variant. She showed us how certain cross-sections of the brain showed the fluid-filled gap, others did not. Which meant that the gap did not span the brain from top to bottom from what they could see, which meant it may lead to less severe issues than it could. She said she has seen worse, and not seen a lot of issues with those particular children. The frustrating thing for her about Dandy-Walker is that the range of severity of issues is so wide, she really couldn't tell us for sure what issues our baby would have, even with testing before and after birth. It would be a wait-and-see as the baby grows and develops (or doesn't) certain skills, both physical and mental/intellectual.
She then explained our options for testing once again, and what would be happening next. I told her I definitely wanted to do the blood test just to at least get an idea of what may be going on since it was the least invasive, and then use the results of that to decide whether or not to do amniocentesis (since it does involve a bit of a risk). We went straight to the lab and drew the blood that evening (because by then it was early evening- 5:30. I had to call the college and tell them I would have to cancel my very first class because there was no way I was going to be on time and ready to go. Thankfully they were very understanding, and I'm sure the students didn't mind at ALL!). We talked with the doctor and the nurse assigned to our case (our point person) for some time about various questions we had and things that came up and left around 6:15. As we left, she told us not to Google everything, to stick with the information given to us by them and to go to the Dandy-Walker Alliance's website: www.dandy-walker.org Russell had already looked at the website between seeing the counselor and the doctor and had already felt somewhat better because the site contained a lot of positive stories about children with DW and the challenges they had overcome.
After we picked up the boys from Russell's parents and explaining everything to them (numbly) we went home and put them to bed, and I, of course, got online. I visited the Dandy-Walker Alliance page myself and found what Russell said to be true. I liked them on facebook, and a few days later I also found a group for parents of DW kids that I joined. I found a 5K held in Ashburn, VA called Carter's Run for Dandy-Walker. The last time it was held was May of 2013, and it will be held again May 17th 2014 and we plan to go to raise awareness and meet other families going through this that weren't far away. http://www.cartersrun.org/
However, the most interesting and inspiring thing I found was a video made by a mother. Her 2 year old son (at the time) had DWV and she talked through her diagnosis and everything she went through and coming to terms with the diagnosis. She said there was so much negative out there, she wanted to make the video to give parents (like us) hope that it would be ok. She ended the video with film of her son doing the things any normal 2 year old would do. It gave me hope that that could be us too, and inspired me to do this blog to hopefully give hope to others as well- though at this time we still aren't sure what will happen as the baby grows (though that's the other purpose of this blog- to keep you, our friends and family, updated). The link to the video is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxtjxupdag
I remember when MFM called to make the appointment; they said 2:00 for the sonogram, then 3:00 for genetic counseling. I immediately texted Russell about it and asked him to call a friend who is a PA to find out more about this. Why did we need genetic counseling? Was this standard procedure? Maybe this was how they went over the results with all the patients they see. We would go in and they would say, "Oh, it was just a shadow on the sonogram. Everything's fine!" But what if it wasn't? What were we in for?
We got there and waited a few minutes past our appointment time. The sonogram tech came and got us and took us to the room. I did the usual routine: on the table, shirt up, towel tucked, gooped up. This sonogram took a LONG time. She was taking a ton of pictures of many parts of the baby I didn't know you could distinguish by sonogram: liver, stomach, kidneys. She actually left the room and came back to take more pictures 2 different times. Maybe this should have clued me in, but it didn't: I just thought she was being thorough and maybe the doctors were giving her a hard time about the views she needed, plus the baby was moving around quite a bit.
After we finally finished, we were taken to another waiting room. After a bit of waiting the genetic counselor came to get us and took us to her office.
This was the part I was so nervous about. Before she gave us any results, she wanted us to go through our family tree. She mapped it out as we described our boys, siblings, nephews, parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and any genetic medical conditions that we knew of them having. I was bouncing my leg and practically shaking the whole time. This couldn't be good. She also asked me if I had had a recent illness or infection of if Russell or the boys had. Other than Ben having had the croup not that long ago, and the normal runny nose everyone seemed to have this time of year, there was nothing I could come up with.
Then it came out. The news. I was still shaking. Voluntarily and involuntarily.
First: there were bright spots showing up in the stomach and liver of the baby that are usually blood. Being in the stomach was not that unusual, but showing up in the liver was. The only real explanation they had was that they baby had an infection of some kind. If this was true, it would be irreversible (it would be viral, which means antibiotics don't work) and pretty devastating to the baby's development. Depending on what the infection was, it's severity, length of time, etc., it could do all kinds of damage. Because they didn't have any more information, there were really no specifics to give at this point.
Second: The cyst on the back of the head was not a cyst at all. It was a brain development issue known as Dandy-Walker. Basically, the brain usually develops as two halves in a somewhat oval shape. For Dandy-Walker babies, the two halves in the back of the brain (the cerebellum) develop leaving a gap, which fills with fluid. This is what they were seeing in the sonogram. Dandy-Walker is associated with a wide range of issues. Some people have the condition and you would never know it at all. Others have severe physical and mental/intellectual delays or deficiencies. And then there's everything in between. Again, they couldn't give us a lot of information about what to expect, because every child with Dandy-Walker is different.
As a result of Dandy-Walker, the gap in the skull often fills with fluid to the point that it puts too much pressure on the brain- a condition known as hydrocephalus. This is treatable by surgery that implants a shunt to drain the fluid into the chest cavity.
We spent a long time, I'm not really sure how long, in the office with the genetic counselor. She told us our options about finding out more information. I could take a blood test, which would not give yes or no results for sure on anything, (it's my blood with markers from the baby, not the baby's blood) but could give us a better idea about infection and genetic issues. I could also do an amniocentesis, which would give definite yes or no answers about infection and genetic issues since it uses cells from the baby itself. These were completely optional and completely up to us.
When she left to get us information to read later about Dandy-Walker and amniocentesis, I just cried. I couldn't believe this. First a surprise pregnancy with horrible timing, and now the baby would have special needs as well? It just couldn't be possible. I told Russell, "I'm not cut out for this." He responded, "We have to be." I thought about what the gentleman had said at the Thanksgiving dinner to us about being parents. I can't even begin to describe what I was feeling, other than horrible and numb and disbelieving. This had always been my biggest fear- that I would have a child either born with issues or would develop them, whether from an accident or illness- and it was happening. It was real.
The counselor took us back to the waiting room so we could go in to meet the doctor. We waited for a while again, long enough to call Mom and cry and tell her what we had found out. I told her we would call later after visiting the doctor with more information and updates.
I was actually kind of annoyed. We waited a while to see the doctor, it was getting late, I needed to get to my class, and what more was she going to tell us anyway? More bad news? More devastating information on what we had just found out?
I am SO glad we got to see her. I was immediately really comfortable with her. She was very knowledgable, informative- and positive. She showed us pictures of OUR baby and described what was on OUR pictures- and what she had to say wasn't as bad as we had felt from the genetic counselor.
First, the infection. There MAY be an infection, but there may not be. She didn't lead us to believe that it wasn't a very real possibility, but she also lead us to believe that it was just as likely that there wasn't an infection, that these liver spots "are normal for this kid!" When I told her I felt fairly regular movements and could this tell us anything, she said, "Sick babies don't move a lot."
Second, the Dandy-Walker. She explained that there are two 'levels' of Dandy-Walker- syndrome and variant, with syndrome being more severe. She was classifying our baby as variant. She showed us how certain cross-sections of the brain showed the fluid-filled gap, others did not. Which meant that the gap did not span the brain from top to bottom from what they could see, which meant it may lead to less severe issues than it could. She said she has seen worse, and not seen a lot of issues with those particular children. The frustrating thing for her about Dandy-Walker is that the range of severity of issues is so wide, she really couldn't tell us for sure what issues our baby would have, even with testing before and after birth. It would be a wait-and-see as the baby grows and develops (or doesn't) certain skills, both physical and mental/intellectual.
She then explained our options for testing once again, and what would be happening next. I told her I definitely wanted to do the blood test just to at least get an idea of what may be going on since it was the least invasive, and then use the results of that to decide whether or not to do amniocentesis (since it does involve a bit of a risk). We went straight to the lab and drew the blood that evening (because by then it was early evening- 5:30. I had to call the college and tell them I would have to cancel my very first class because there was no way I was going to be on time and ready to go. Thankfully they were very understanding, and I'm sure the students didn't mind at ALL!). We talked with the doctor and the nurse assigned to our case (our point person) for some time about various questions we had and things that came up and left around 6:15. As we left, she told us not to Google everything, to stick with the information given to us by them and to go to the Dandy-Walker Alliance's website: www.dandy-walker.org Russell had already looked at the website between seeing the counselor and the doctor and had already felt somewhat better because the site contained a lot of positive stories about children with DW and the challenges they had overcome.
After we picked up the boys from Russell's parents and explaining everything to them (numbly) we went home and put them to bed, and I, of course, got online. I visited the Dandy-Walker Alliance page myself and found what Russell said to be true. I liked them on facebook, and a few days later I also found a group for parents of DW kids that I joined. I found a 5K held in Ashburn, VA called Carter's Run for Dandy-Walker. The last time it was held was May of 2013, and it will be held again May 17th 2014 and we plan to go to raise awareness and meet other families going through this that weren't far away. http://www.cartersrun.org/
However, the most interesting and inspiring thing I found was a video made by a mother. Her 2 year old son (at the time) had DWV and she talked through her diagnosis and everything she went through and coming to terms with the diagnosis. She said there was so much negative out there, she wanted to make the video to give parents (like us) hope that it would be ok. She ended the video with film of her son doing the things any normal 2 year old would do. It gave me hope that that could be us too, and inspired me to do this blog to hopefully give hope to others as well- though at this time we still aren't sure what will happen as the baby grows (though that's the other purpose of this blog- to keep you, our friends and family, updated). The link to the video is here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cxtjxupdag
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
November 27th, 2013- The Spot
The next day I slept in, kept the boys home with me while Russell went to work and called my doctor's office as soon as they opened. I explained to them the events of the day before and why it was so important that I be seen that day. They asked if I could be there at 11:30. I told them I would.
At the doctor's office, I went into the sonogram room, both boys in tow. Luke did really well the whole time because he remembered seeing Ben on the screen when we was in Mommy's tummy, and after that got old entertained himself with a pair of gloves the sonogram tech let him have. (He LOVES gloves. I don't get it either.) Ben, being the active 18 month old he was, had to be held by me on the table the whole time. He tolerated that pretty well, but toward the end got restless and I had to HOLD him with me on the table.
When the sonogram tech put the machine to my belly, she said after about a minute, "Wow. You're at least 18 to 20 weeks." My jaw dropped. She proceeded to take all the necessary pictures and measurements and told me, "You are measuring at 20 weeks, 5 days." I could hardly believe it. I was halfway through my pregnancy and had only known about it for sure for 3 days. I have had 2 kids. I should know these things. How could this be? She asked if I wanted to know the gender, which I quickly answered "No, my husband's not here." We hadn't found out the gender with either Luke or Ben and I wasn't sure what we wanted to do this time, but I had thought it would not be an issue at this point, not realizing how far along I actually was.
We were almost done, and the sonogram tech had me laying this way and that, jiggling the machine on my belly, trying to get a specific view of the baby. She said she wasn't able to get a good view of what she wanted, but she noticed a spot at the back of the head that could be a cyst. She was going to show it to Terry, the nurse practicioner that I see. I got a little nervous, but thought, ok, no big deal, let's see what Terry says. After all, she said she couldn't see it really well and possibly she didn't see anything at all, no use worrying over nothing.
I went into the exam room with the boys. Terry came in a few minutes later. She told me that there was a dark spot that was partially seen on the back of the head that could be a cyst, and they'd like to get it checked out further. She was going to refer me to Maternal Fetal Medicine because they specialize in these sorts of things, and to expect a call from them next week to set up an appointment. She told me that there may be nothing there at all, they thought they saw something and really it's not there; it may just be a cyst and it will go away on it's own or may be nothing at all except a bump on the head. What worried me was she didn't give me a 'worst case scenario'. I don't know if she really didn't know what the 'worst case scenario' was, or just didn't want to worry me (possibly needlessly), but I definitely left with concerns.
Later that day I considered doing what everyone does now- Google it. However, I really didn't have much information to go on at that point and didn't want to scare myself needlessly, so I refrained. Maternal Fetal Medicine called the next week and we set up the appointment for December 12th.
Now all we had to do was wait.
At the doctor's office, I went into the sonogram room, both boys in tow. Luke did really well the whole time because he remembered seeing Ben on the screen when we was in Mommy's tummy, and after that got old entertained himself with a pair of gloves the sonogram tech let him have. (He LOVES gloves. I don't get it either.) Ben, being the active 18 month old he was, had to be held by me on the table the whole time. He tolerated that pretty well, but toward the end got restless and I had to HOLD him with me on the table.
When the sonogram tech put the machine to my belly, she said after about a minute, "Wow. You're at least 18 to 20 weeks." My jaw dropped. She proceeded to take all the necessary pictures and measurements and told me, "You are measuring at 20 weeks, 5 days." I could hardly believe it. I was halfway through my pregnancy and had only known about it for sure for 3 days. I have had 2 kids. I should know these things. How could this be? She asked if I wanted to know the gender, which I quickly answered "No, my husband's not here." We hadn't found out the gender with either Luke or Ben and I wasn't sure what we wanted to do this time, but I had thought it would not be an issue at this point, not realizing how far along I actually was.
We were almost done, and the sonogram tech had me laying this way and that, jiggling the machine on my belly, trying to get a specific view of the baby. She said she wasn't able to get a good view of what she wanted, but she noticed a spot at the back of the head that could be a cyst. She was going to show it to Terry, the nurse practicioner that I see. I got a little nervous, but thought, ok, no big deal, let's see what Terry says. After all, she said she couldn't see it really well and possibly she didn't see anything at all, no use worrying over nothing.
One of the sonogram pictures from that day.
Later that day I considered doing what everyone does now- Google it. However, I really didn't have much information to go on at that point and didn't want to scare myself needlessly, so I refrained. Maternal Fetal Medicine called the next week and we set up the appointment for December 12th.
Now all we had to do was wait.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
November 26th, 2013- The Accident
Two days after I found out about the pregnancy, I had a horrible car accident. I am not going to go into any details about the accident, other than to say it was horrible and if I had one thing in my life to do over, I would have driven a different route in order to avoid the events that followed.
As a result of the accident, I ended up briefly at the hospital for some tests. Just before they were about to begin, I said, "Oh, by the way, does it matter that I am 90% sure that I'm pregnant?" The nurse said no, but we should have the doctor check out the baby by sonogram and make sure everything looked ok.
The ER doctor came in and got the sonogram machine. I hiked up my shirt, and he confirmed my pregnancy test from 2 days ago just by looking at my belly. He tucked the towel into my pants, squirted my belly with the goop, and put the machine to my abdomen. The image that showed up on the screen confirmed his finding- there was a unmistakably a baby on that screen. (And thankfully, only one baby! I don't think I could have taken any more 'news' at this point!)
So now the big question was how far along I was. I had a feeling I was not just 6 weeks as my doctor's office the day before had suggested based on the information I gave them. I remember with both Luke & Ben how at first the sonograms had looked more like a peanut than a baby. This was no peanut. This was unmistakably a fetus. I asked the ER doc the Big Question. He said, "This is not my area of expertise, and I'm only guessing, but I would say you're around 12 weeks. You need to get an appointment as soon as possible so they can examine you and give you more details."
That night, after we'd gotten everyone home and in bed, I decided I was in no shape to go in to work the next day. I called in for a sub and determined to try to get in to my doctor's office the next day.
As a result of the accident, I ended up briefly at the hospital for some tests. Just before they were about to begin, I said, "Oh, by the way, does it matter that I am 90% sure that I'm pregnant?" The nurse said no, but we should have the doctor check out the baby by sonogram and make sure everything looked ok.
The ER doctor came in and got the sonogram machine. I hiked up my shirt, and he confirmed my pregnancy test from 2 days ago just by looking at my belly. He tucked the towel into my pants, squirted my belly with the goop, and put the machine to my abdomen. The image that showed up on the screen confirmed his finding- there was a unmistakably a baby on that screen. (And thankfully, only one baby! I don't think I could have taken any more 'news' at this point!)
So now the big question was how far along I was. I had a feeling I was not just 6 weeks as my doctor's office the day before had suggested based on the information I gave them. I remember with both Luke & Ben how at first the sonograms had looked more like a peanut than a baby. This was no peanut. This was unmistakably a fetus. I asked the ER doc the Big Question. He said, "This is not my area of expertise, and I'm only guessing, but I would say you're around 12 weeks. You need to get an appointment as soon as possible so they can examine you and give you more details."
That night, after we'd gotten everyone home and in bed, I decided I was in no shape to go in to work the next day. I called in for a sub and determined to try to get in to my doctor's office the next day.
Sunday, November 24, 2013
November 24th, 2013- The Beginning
I will never forget this date. This is the day I found out I was pregnant for the third time.
The craziest part of this whole thing is that I had been in denial for so long about being pregnant. We were not trying to get pregnant- in fact we were actively NOT trying (as in, preventing). As the school year trudged on, I had noticed my waistbands getting tighter and just thought, "OK, I am majorly stressed about work and life in general, I am not exercising at all, and I'm 30 and finally starting to fall apart, and the first place I tend to gain weight is in my belly." So that's what I chalked it all up to.
It wasn't until students started noticing that I started really wondering. I had students in after school tutoring come out and ask me if I was pregnant, to which I emphatically answered "NO! Of course not!" But it wasn't until I overheard a conversation between 2 students that really got to me. I was helping a student and behind me I heard a whispered "Can we ask if she's pregnant?" to which the other responded "No you can't ask that!" I immediately thought, "Ok, I am getting on the treadmill starting tomorrow afternoon!" (this was a Thursday).
I actually did get on the treadmill! Friday, Saturday, & Sunday I walked/ran for 30 minutes each day. I was proud of myself, and really hoped I could keep it up and it would help me feel better about not just my body, but my stress level as well.
Sunday night we went to a Thanksgiving dinner our church was hosting. We currently attend a satellite location of a church, so it was held in a local recreation center near our house. We had a great meal, had some good fellowship with folks at our table, and there was a very meaningful service afterwards. What I'll never forget was at one point we were supposed to discuss at our table what we were thankful for, and Russell said "Our two boys" (who had gone to the nursery at that point). A gentleman I didn't know was sitting at our table and had seen them and interacted with them during dinner, and he said something I'll never forget. He said, "You know, of all the people on earth, God chose the two of you to be their parents. That's a really big deal." I haven't seen him at the church since, though I've looked for him. Occasionally I wonder if he was an angel, because his words came back to me later that night.
After we got home that evening, I was contemplating my belly and finally told Russell, "Go to the grocery store. Get milk for Ben to take to the sitter tomorrow and get me a pregnancy test. I want to prove to myself once and for all that I'm not pregnant." He was a bit shocked and skeptical, but he did as I asked. (He also came back with some ice cream, which he ate the whole container and promptly threw up later after we got the results.) I took the test when he got home. I had told myself, "OK, don't look at it until the 2 minutes are up." However, I snuck a peek a few seconds after- and it was already positive.
I was dumbfounded. It must be a mistake. I waited the full 2 minutes, and no change. There was a plus sign showing we were about to be plus 1 in the very near future.
I cried. I'll admit it. I am a very Type A personality. I like to plan things. I like to be in control. This was not supposed to happen. This was one of the worst times for our family it could happen. I even remember having spoken to my Mom about a (married) acquaintance that had just "accidentally" gotten pregnant with their third child when they had said they were DONE and saying, "How could they let that happen? There are things that can be done to prevent pregnancy- especially if you are DONE!" And now that was me.
"What are we going to do?" I asked Russell several times.
"We will figure it out" he assured me (of course, he also threw up at some point during all this). "Why don't you call your Mom? You should talk to her."
Mom was in Florida visiting my grandmother for Thanksgiving week. "Are you sitting down?" I asked her. She said yes, and I told her everything. We talked for a while, and she assured me we would be fine.
Later that night, talking to Russell, I reminded him of the words of the gentleman at our table that evening. God chose us to be the parents of Luke and Ben- and obviously he REALLY wants this child here with us too. We would have to just step out in faith and put our trust in Him, that all of this would work out somehow. Since that day, I've had to remind myself of this continually, almost daily, especially in the coming days and weeks ahead.
The craziest part of this whole thing is that I had been in denial for so long about being pregnant. We were not trying to get pregnant- in fact we were actively NOT trying (as in, preventing). As the school year trudged on, I had noticed my waistbands getting tighter and just thought, "OK, I am majorly stressed about work and life in general, I am not exercising at all, and I'm 30 and finally starting to fall apart, and the first place I tend to gain weight is in my belly." So that's what I chalked it all up to.
It wasn't until students started noticing that I started really wondering. I had students in after school tutoring come out and ask me if I was pregnant, to which I emphatically answered "NO! Of course not!" But it wasn't until I overheard a conversation between 2 students that really got to me. I was helping a student and behind me I heard a whispered "Can we ask if she's pregnant?" to which the other responded "No you can't ask that!" I immediately thought, "Ok, I am getting on the treadmill starting tomorrow afternoon!" (this was a Thursday).
I actually did get on the treadmill! Friday, Saturday, & Sunday I walked/ran for 30 minutes each day. I was proud of myself, and really hoped I could keep it up and it would help me feel better about not just my body, but my stress level as well.
Sunday night we went to a Thanksgiving dinner our church was hosting. We currently attend a satellite location of a church, so it was held in a local recreation center near our house. We had a great meal, had some good fellowship with folks at our table, and there was a very meaningful service afterwards. What I'll never forget was at one point we were supposed to discuss at our table what we were thankful for, and Russell said "Our two boys" (who had gone to the nursery at that point). A gentleman I didn't know was sitting at our table and had seen them and interacted with them during dinner, and he said something I'll never forget. He said, "You know, of all the people on earth, God chose the two of you to be their parents. That's a really big deal." I haven't seen him at the church since, though I've looked for him. Occasionally I wonder if he was an angel, because his words came back to me later that night.
After we got home that evening, I was contemplating my belly and finally told Russell, "Go to the grocery store. Get milk for Ben to take to the sitter tomorrow and get me a pregnancy test. I want to prove to myself once and for all that I'm not pregnant." He was a bit shocked and skeptical, but he did as I asked. (He also came back with some ice cream, which he ate the whole container and promptly threw up later after we got the results.) I took the test when he got home. I had told myself, "OK, don't look at it until the 2 minutes are up." However, I snuck a peek a few seconds after- and it was already positive.
I was dumbfounded. It must be a mistake. I waited the full 2 minutes, and no change. There was a plus sign showing we were about to be plus 1 in the very near future.
I cried. I'll admit it. I am a very Type A personality. I like to plan things. I like to be in control. This was not supposed to happen. This was one of the worst times for our family it could happen. I even remember having spoken to my Mom about a (married) acquaintance that had just "accidentally" gotten pregnant with their third child when they had said they were DONE and saying, "How could they let that happen? There are things that can be done to prevent pregnancy- especially if you are DONE!" And now that was me.
"What are we going to do?" I asked Russell several times.
"We will figure it out" he assured me (of course, he also threw up at some point during all this). "Why don't you call your Mom? You should talk to her."
Mom was in Florida visiting my grandmother for Thanksgiving week. "Are you sitting down?" I asked her. She said yes, and I told her everything. We talked for a while, and she assured me we would be fine.
Later that night, talking to Russell, I reminded him of the words of the gentleman at our table that evening. God chose us to be the parents of Luke and Ben- and obviously he REALLY wants this child here with us too. We would have to just step out in faith and put our trust in Him, that all of this would work out somehow. Since that day, I've had to remind myself of this continually, almost daily, especially in the coming days and weeks ahead.
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