I will never forget this date. This is the day I found out I was pregnant for the third time.
The craziest part of this whole thing is that I had been in denial for so long about being pregnant. We were not trying to get pregnant- in fact we were actively NOT trying (as in, preventing). As the school year trudged on, I had noticed my waistbands getting tighter and just thought, "OK, I am majorly stressed about work and life in general, I am not exercising at all, and I'm 30 and finally starting to fall apart, and the first place I tend to gain weight is in my belly." So that's what I chalked it all up to.
It wasn't until students started noticing that I started really wondering. I had students in after school tutoring come out and ask me if I was pregnant, to which I emphatically answered "NO! Of course not!" But it wasn't until I overheard a conversation between 2 students that really got to me. I was helping a student and behind me I heard a whispered "Can we ask if she's pregnant?" to which the other responded "No you can't ask that!" I immediately thought, "Ok, I am getting on the treadmill starting tomorrow afternoon!" (this was a Thursday).
I actually did get on the treadmill! Friday, Saturday, & Sunday I walked/ran for 30 minutes each day. I was proud of myself, and really hoped I could keep it up and it would help me feel better about not just my body, but my stress level as well.
Sunday night we went to a Thanksgiving dinner our church was hosting. We currently attend a satellite location of a church, so it was held in a local recreation center near our house. We had a great meal, had some good fellowship with folks at our table, and there was a very meaningful service afterwards. What I'll never forget was at one point we were supposed to discuss at our table what we were thankful for, and Russell said "Our two boys" (who had gone to the nursery at that point). A gentleman I didn't know was sitting at our table and had seen them and interacted with them during dinner, and he said something I'll never forget. He said, "You know, of all the people on earth, God chose the two of you to be their parents. That's a really big deal." I haven't seen him at the church since, though I've looked for him. Occasionally I wonder if he was an angel, because his words came back to me later that night.
After we got home that evening, I was contemplating my belly and finally told Russell, "Go to the grocery store. Get milk for Ben to take to the sitter tomorrow and get me a pregnancy test. I want to prove to myself once and for all that I'm not pregnant." He was a bit shocked and skeptical, but he did as I asked. (He also came back with some ice cream, which he ate the whole container and promptly threw up later after we got the results.) I took the test when he got home. I had told myself, "OK, don't look at it until the 2 minutes are up." However, I snuck a peek a few seconds after- and it was already positive.
I was dumbfounded. It must be a mistake. I waited the full 2 minutes, and no change. There was a plus sign showing we were about to be plus 1 in the very near future.
I cried. I'll admit it. I am a very Type A personality. I like to plan things. I like to be in control. This was not supposed to happen. This was one of the worst times for our family it could happen. I even remember having spoken to my Mom about a (married) acquaintance that had just "accidentally" gotten pregnant with their third child when they had said they were DONE and saying, "How could they let that happen? There are things that can be done to prevent pregnancy- especially if you are DONE!" And now that was me.
"What are we going to do?" I asked Russell several times.
"We will figure it out" he assured me (of course, he also threw up at some point during all this). "Why don't you call your Mom? You should talk to her."
Mom was in Florida visiting my grandmother for Thanksgiving week. "Are you sitting down?" I asked her. She said yes, and I told her everything. We talked for a while, and she assured me we would be fine.
Later that night, talking to Russell, I reminded him of the words of the gentleman at our table that evening. God chose us to be the parents of Luke and Ben- and obviously he REALLY wants this child here with us too. We would have to just step out in faith and put our trust in Him, that all of this would work out somehow. Since that day, I've had to remind myself of this continually, almost daily, especially in the coming days and weeks ahead.
No comments:
Post a Comment