Ah, Saturday morning. The morning where Luke always gets up first and goes and turns on PBS kids and Russell and I stay in bed until we hear Ben babbling through the monitor. This particular morning I had not slept well after our appointment the day before, turning so many things over in my mind. I had also come to the realization that we would need to start explaining some of these issues with Ally to Luke to prepare him for what was to come.
We haven't really let him in on much. Russell's parents would often keep the boys for us during appointments, so afterwards when we went to pick them up we would tell them the latest news. Luke was usually right there, but I don't think he completely understood what we were discussing, and he probably wasn't completely listening either. However, it was time to start letting him in, slowly, on what was going on with his sister so he wouldn't be scared or confused. Luke usually does really well when he knows what to expect (and Ben is too young to understand much of anything).
Russell and I talked about it while we lay there. I felt it would be best to just discuss the fact that Ally's head would be larger than normal so he would not wonder what was wrong with her head. We would need to discuss the surgery to place the shunt as best we could and explain that she would be in the hospital longer to recover and she would be in a special part of the hospital that would have special rules, especially for him being so young. I wanted to tell him about the possibility of Mommy having surgery to get the baby out and that I would be in the hospital longer than normal and be more limited when I got home at first, but then I thought it may be best to wait until we knew about that for sure and plus, the hydrocephelaus itself may be enough information for him for one day.
We called him into the bedroom and had him get on the bed with us. We explained to him that Ally's head was getting a lot of fluid inside of it and it was making it very big, so when she was born she might have a larger than usual head. We also explained to him the Ally would need surgery to help get the fluid out of her head. They would put a tube in behind her ear that would run down to her tummy and let the fluid drain and hopefully her head would get better. Ally being in the hospital may not be like it was when he came to visit Ben in the hospital either. Before he came in, got to hold Ben, and everything was good. This time, things may be very different depending on how she was doing after she was born, especially if she was in the 'special' part of the hospital.
The whole explanation took about five minutes. Luke listened carefully and made exclamations at certain times ("The tube will go down to her tummy???") And then he was fine and got up and went back to the living room.
That evening Russell was out at a work social function, so it was just me and the boys for dinner. I made myself a plate of leftovers and the boys some ravioli. As we were sitting down beginning to eat, I asked Luke if he would like to say the blessing. He said yes and began to pray.
Before I explain the prayer, I need to explain how Luke says the blessing. Usually in a blessing before you eat you thank God for the food. Luke rarely does this. He often asks to help us eat the food (which in his case often requires a lot of prayer, being as picky as he is) and he will often pray for others. Usually he prays for Ben, especially if he's been sick. His preschool teacher told us that he prays for Ben all the time at school, which I think is usually at mealtime.
So I was a little surprised when he prayed something along the lines of "God please be with Ally help her head to get better and help her when they put the needle in her head to help her head get better. Amen."
I was so touched. He said as he began to eat, "We can pray for Ally." I said "Yes, we need to pray for Ally. You can pray for her anytime."
At least I know he listens sometimes.
Luke has really been the best big brother. I was a little concerned when Ben was born that he would be jealous, but he was quite the opposite. He loves his little brother very much. I'm sure as Ben grows and gets more vocal and verbal they will have their share of fights (especially because in a few months they will begin sharing a room), but you can tell Luke really cares about Ben. He is already showing the same affection for Ally. He will come up and hug and kiss my belly and say, "I wanna give Ally a kiss. I love her." He was so hoping for a sister this time, and was really happy when we found out at the gender reveal party that she was, indeed, a girl. I know he will be so accepting of her, no matter her limitations, and will probably be very protective of her as well. I am so proud of him and the person he is becoming.
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