November 27th, 2013- The Spot

The next day I slept in, kept the boys home with me while Russell went to work and called my doctor's office as soon as they opened.  I explained to them the events of the day before and why it was so important that I be seen that day.  They asked if I could be there at 11:30.  I told them I would.

At the doctor's office, I went into the sonogram room, both boys in tow.  Luke did really well the whole time because he remembered seeing Ben on the screen when we was in Mommy's tummy, and after that got old entertained himself with a pair of gloves the sonogram tech let him have.  (He LOVES gloves.  I don't get it either.)  Ben, being the active 18 month old he was, had to be held by me on the table the whole time.  He tolerated that pretty well, but toward the end got restless and I had to HOLD him with me on the table.

When the sonogram tech put the machine to my belly, she said after about a minute, "Wow.  You're at least 18 to 20 weeks."  My jaw dropped.  She proceeded to take all the necessary pictures and measurements and told me, "You are measuring at 20 weeks, 5 days."  I could hardly believe it.  I was halfway through my pregnancy and had only known about it for sure for 3 days.  I have had 2 kids.  I should know these things.  How could this be?  She asked if I wanted to know the gender, which I quickly answered "No, my husband's not here."  We hadn't found out the gender with either Luke or Ben and I wasn't sure what we wanted to do this time, but I had thought it would not be an issue at this point, not realizing how far along I actually was.

We were almost done, and the sonogram tech had me laying this way and that, jiggling the machine on my belly, trying to get a specific view of the baby.  She said she wasn't able to get a good view of what she wanted, but she noticed a spot at the back of the head that could be a cyst.  She was going to show it to Terry, the nurse practicioner that I see.  I got a little nervous, but thought, ok, no big deal, let's see what Terry says.  After all, she said she couldn't see it really well and possibly she didn't see anything at all, no use worrying over nothing.

One of the sonogram pictures from that day. 

I went into the exam room with the boys.  Terry came in a few minutes later.  She told me that there was a dark spot that was partially seen on the back of the head that could be a cyst, and they'd like to get it checked out further.  She was going to refer me to Maternal Fetal Medicine because they specialize in these sorts of things, and to expect a call from them next week to set up an appointment.  She told me that there may be nothing there at all, they thought they saw something and really it's not there; it may just be a cyst and it will go away on it's own or may be nothing at all except a bump on the head.  What worried me was she didn't give me a 'worst case scenario'.  I don't know if she really didn't know what the 'worst case scenario' was, or just didn't want to worry me (possibly needlessly), but I definitely left with concerns.

Later that day I considered doing what everyone does now- Google it.  However, I really didn't have much information to go on at that point and didn't want to scare myself needlessly, so I refrained.  Maternal Fetal Medicine called the next week and we set up the appointment for December 12th.

Now all we had to do was wait.

November 26th, 2013- The Accident

Two days after I found out about the pregnancy, I had a horrible car accident.  I am not going to go into any details about the accident, other than to say it was horrible and if I had one thing in my life to do over, I would have driven a different route in order to avoid the events that followed.

As a result of the accident, I ended up briefly at the hospital for some tests.  Just before they were about to begin, I said, "Oh, by the way, does it matter that I am 90% sure that I'm pregnant?"  The nurse said no, but we should have the doctor check out the baby by sonogram and make sure everything looked ok.

The ER doctor came in and got the sonogram machine.  I hiked up my shirt, and he confirmed my pregnancy test from 2 days ago just by looking at my belly.  He tucked the towel into my pants, squirted my belly with the goop, and put the machine to my abdomen.  The image that showed up on the screen confirmed his finding- there was a unmistakably a baby on that screen.  (And thankfully, only one baby!  I don't think I could have taken any more 'news' at this point!)

So now the big question was how far along I was.  I had a feeling I was not just 6 weeks as my doctor's office the day before had suggested based on the information I gave them.  I remember with both Luke & Ben how at first the sonograms had looked more like a peanut than a baby.  This was no peanut.  This was unmistakably a fetus.  I asked the ER doc the Big Question.  He said, "This is not my area of expertise, and I'm only guessing, but I would say you're around 12 weeks.  You need to get an appointment as soon as possible so they can examine you and give you more details." 

That night, after we'd gotten everyone home and in bed, I decided I was in no shape to go in to work the next day.  I called in for a sub and determined to try to get in to my doctor's office the next day.  

November 24th, 2013- The Beginning

I will never forget this date.  This is the day I found out I was pregnant for the third time.

The craziest part of this whole thing is that I had been in denial for so long about being pregnant.  We were not trying to get pregnant- in fact we were actively NOT trying (as in, preventing).  As the school year trudged on, I had noticed my waistbands getting tighter and just thought, "OK, I am majorly stressed about work and life in general, I am not exercising at all, and I'm 30 and finally starting to fall apart, and the first place I tend to gain weight is in my belly."  So that's what I chalked it all up to.  

It wasn't until students started noticing that I started really wondering.  I had students in after school tutoring come out and ask me if I was pregnant, to which I emphatically answered "NO!  Of course not!"  But it wasn't until I overheard a conversation between 2 students that really got to me.  I was helping a student and behind me I heard a whispered "Can we ask if she's pregnant?" to which the other responded "No you can't ask that!"  I immediately thought, "Ok, I am getting on the treadmill starting tomorrow afternoon!"  (this was a Thursday).

I actually did get on the treadmill!  Friday, Saturday, & Sunday I walked/ran for 30 minutes each day.  I was proud of myself, and really hoped I could keep it up and it would help me feel better about not just my body, but my stress level as well.

Sunday night we went to a Thanksgiving dinner our church was hosting.  We currently attend a satellite location of a church, so it was held in a local recreation center near our house.  We had a great meal, had some good fellowship with folks at our table, and there was a very meaningful service afterwards.  What I'll never forget was at one point we were supposed to discuss at our table what we were thankful for, and Russell said "Our two boys" (who had gone to the nursery at that point).  A gentleman I didn't know was sitting at our table and had seen them and interacted with them during dinner, and he said something I'll never forget.  He said, "You know, of all the people on earth, God chose the two of you to be their parents.  That's a really big deal."  I haven't seen him at the church since, though I've looked for him.  Occasionally I wonder if he was an angel, because his words came back to me later that night.

After we got home that evening, I was contemplating my belly and finally told Russell, "Go to the grocery store.  Get milk for Ben to take to the sitter tomorrow and get me a pregnancy test.  I want to prove to myself once and for all that I'm not pregnant."  He was a bit shocked and skeptical, but he did as I asked.  (He also came back with some ice cream, which he ate the whole container and promptly threw up later after we got the results.)  I took the test when he got home.  I had told myself, "OK, don't look at it until the 2 minutes are up."  However, I snuck a peek a few seconds after- and it was already positive.  

I was dumbfounded.  It must be a mistake.  I waited the full 2 minutes, and no change.  There was a plus sign showing we were about to be plus 1 in the very near future.

I cried.  I'll admit it.  I am a very Type A personality.  I like to plan things.  I like to be in control.  This was not supposed to happen.  This was one of the worst times for our family it could happen.  I even remember having spoken to my Mom about a (married) acquaintance that had just "accidentally" gotten pregnant with their third child when they had said they were DONE and saying, "How could they let that happen?  There are things that can be done to prevent pregnancy- especially if you are DONE!"  And now that was me.

"What are we going to do?"  I asked Russell several times.

"We will figure it out" he assured me (of course, he also threw up at some point during all this).  "Why don't you call your Mom?  You should talk to her."

Mom was in Florida visiting my grandmother for Thanksgiving week.  "Are you sitting down?"  I asked her.  She said yes, and I told her everything.  We talked for a while, and she assured me we would be fine.

Later that night, talking to Russell, I reminded him of the words of the gentleman at our table that evening.  God chose us to be the parents of Luke and Ben- and obviously he REALLY wants this child here with us too.  We would have to just step out in faith and put our trust in Him, that all of this would work out somehow.  Since that day, I've had to remind myself of this continually, almost daily, especially in the coming days and weeks ahead.